For those of you that don’t know, I have struggled with depression and anxiety for a large portion of my life. Often times because of this I have a hard time finding joy in day to day things.
Today however, I’m watching my youngest play with his sisters puzzle she left out and for some reason I feel joy watching him…
How he’s just contently standing there not making a sound as he takes the puzzle pieces and places them in their box while taking moments to glance at the movie playing on the T.V… Seemingly letting the world around him fade. Likely not even understanding the point of the puzzle or why he felt the need to pick it up. He’s just doing it and being happy while he does it.
I miss being that young and finding joy in everything around me. Its so much easier finding the joy in the small things when your a kid. The whole world seems magical to you and full of wonder. There’s boxes that magically turn into castles and strings that turn into snakes. Before you know it you a princess to a lost world standing on a massive mountain side with amazing creatures all around you.
I remember playing with my friends at school imagining that we had all these horses and rode them around during recess. They all had different colors and personalities and became a large part of our day to day activities. While being imaginary it was almost like we could all see them. The amount of freedom and joy these imaginary horses gave us was incredible.
Now here I sit as an adult watching my children play and unable to understand the joy they’re getting from such every day things. Realizing that somewhere along the way the world has lost its magic to me. Magic that my kids clearly have access to and I’m left wondering what the world is creating for them while they run around with a box and some string.
Why is it that when we become adults we lose the ability to find joy in such simple ways? Why is it ,as a person with depression, that joy seems to take so much more effort and energy to find? Maybe we’re looking but not truely seeing. Maybe as we get older and have more responsibilities we slowly lose the ability to see the joy and magic of the world the way our kids can…
I wish as a child I would have realized what a gift it was to be able to find joy so easily and allowed myself to slow down and enjoy it a bit more.
But here, this morning, I’m able to find joy watching my child as he experiences the magic of the world as I once did. Right now thats enough for me. It’s these small moments that I often overlook that tend to bring the most joy when I step back and truely see it. I don’t need to experience the magic of the world the way I used to to be able to see the joy in it the way my kids do.
Take a moment to step back and allow yourself to experience the joy around you. If you struggle with depression, take a moment to breath and remind yourself of the joy you once found as a child, maybe that will be just enough to help you see through the fog and experience it again with your child. It may not always be enough but I’ll take it in the moments that it is.
See the small but wonderful things as often as you can because that is where you’ll find joy.